successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
