I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
