Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well I just put wine in my tea
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
