your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
