Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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