The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
