apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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