Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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