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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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