Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
