Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
