I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
