i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
