My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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