and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
pop tarts are not kleenex
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
