if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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