Got a toothbrush?
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Randomize
