covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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