now i know why i became what i already was.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
