I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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