Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
