I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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