and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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