Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
