he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
