oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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