tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
