He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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