That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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