you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize