Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
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Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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