Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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