Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
