So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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