I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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