i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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