This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
