WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
