something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
