Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
