Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
