And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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