Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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