When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
