apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
