Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
