you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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