Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
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I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
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He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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