I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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