I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
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I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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