omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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