She said her name was "party"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
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I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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