I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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