And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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