Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
