remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
