i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
