my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
