I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i now understand why vodka
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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