so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
