were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
