So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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