Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
