I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
