no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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