Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
