return my video game
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
