we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
