The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
