The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
