Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
