i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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