I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
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what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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