My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I love having hate sex.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
