And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
