All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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