my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
