i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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