i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
