the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
