I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
