Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
