I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
