its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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