he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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