I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
