I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
