just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
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Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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