Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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