I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
