I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
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Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
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Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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