We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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